Language Geek Test

I speak...
more than 2 languages at a conversational level
   and English is my native language
   more than 5
   more than 10
a language that is not Indo-European
   more than 1
   more than 3
an artificial language
   and it's not Esperanto
a language with fewer than 1 million native speakers (other than artificial or dead languages)
a dead language
the old version of a modern language (e. g. Old French, Mittelhochdeutsch, Classical Chinese)

I want to...
speak all the languages in the world
learn almost all the languages in the world
learn Icelandic or Ancient Greek
learn Xhosa or another African language
learn a Native American language
learn an artificial language other than Esperanto
learn an endangered language
make first contact with an undiscovered tribe and communicate with them
record endangered languages as a profession
raise a kid bilingually
   with one of the languages being Latin
   in Latin and Esperanto or Klingon

I can read (without necessarily understanding)...
Cyrillic script
Arabic/Urdu/Persian script
Greek script
Hebrew script
Georgian, Thai, Burmese, Tibetan or Lao script
an Indian script
Korean
Chinese
Japanese
a script that's not listed here

I know...
how to say "hello" or "thanks" or "there is an axe in my head" in 20 languages or more
what language family Malayalam belongs to
where Kalaallisut is spoken
what language is spoken in Azerbaijan
the names of 3 languages that can be found in Europe but that are not Indo-European
the names of at least 5 African languages, 5 South-East Asian languages and 5 Native American languages
the name of at least one aboriginal language spoken in Australia
what the difference between langue, langage and parole is
what Pimsleur is
   even though it's not sold in my country
   but I don't like it
that IE does not necessarily mean Internet Explorer
somebody who speaks more than 30 languages
where to buy books in or on Aramaic and other obscure languages

By the age of 15 I had...
read a book on linguistics
taught myself a language
   more than 2
invented a language
   more than 2
invented a script
   more than 2
written a book (or an online course) on a language or grammar
chosen a linguist as my personal hero
dreamt of having an affair with Noam Chomsky, or similar
unfair, I'm not 15 yet!

I can...
produce a nasal-ingressive voiceless velar trill
pronounce tones
pronounce clicks
explain the difference between Sinn and Bedeutung according to Frege
   also regarding sentences
explain the idea of structuralism
argue for and against the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis
   citing various obscure languages
talk about morphology and syntax in at least three languages
give an impromptu language lesson at 5 seconds notice
teach any language I learned or started learning
talk in detail about languages I didn't even study
discuss the benefit of Assimil vs. Michel Thomas vs. Teach Yourself etc.

I think...
"Coarticulation is an allophonic phenomenon, while assimilation includes a phonemic change" is a perfectly normal thing to say.
"If I were a clitic, I would lean on you" is one of the most romantic things to say.
I would never buy a product whose advertisement contains linguistic mistakes
monolingual DVDs are not worth buying
dubbing movies should be one of the deadly sins
   the first one

I own...
a cuddly wug
   and my kid won't get any other toys
an electronic dictionary
more than 5 paper dictionaries
   more than 10
more than 5 language courses
   more than 10
   more than 30
a course for a language I might study someday but I'm not sure yet
   more than 3 different languages
DVDs in more than 3 languages
   more than 6
   among which at least 2 non-IE languages
an account on at least three language-related forums

I have...
created a conlang
   to be used as the world's lingua franca
   just for fun
   and it was learned by others
      more than 3 people
translated a book (fan translations count)
translated a movie (fansub is fine)
translated many of a band's songs into another language
   and at least one of the translations can be sung
      and I sang it in public
heard of Dotsub
   have subtitled a film there
written language lessons or grammars
   for more than 2 languages
   for more than 10
written a dictionary
edited Wikipedia in more than 2 languages
   in 10+
created my own method for learning or teaching languages / grammar / vocabulary / script
   and am now flooding language forums about it
argued for the use of an international lingua franca
empathized with Catalans, Basque speakers or Québécois
read books in more than 3 languages
written papers in more than 3 languages
spent more than 6 hours learning languages a day
   I regularly do
slept with a language book on my bedside table
   under my pillow
slept while listening to a foreign language on a music player
dreamt in a foreign language
   more than 2 languages in the same dream
started a conversation with a stranger just to practice the language
studied at a language school abroad
   on my own money
hired a language tutor
spent an entire train journey abroad analyzing leaflets in the local language
watched TV for at least 1 hour without understanding more than a word here and there
   more than 2 hours straight
written my native language in a different script for fun
studied languages on my own
   more than 3
convinced several friends to start learning another language
   several? all my friends!
lost all my friends because I analyzed their slips of the tongue phonetically or because I corrected them too much
ended a relationship because my girlfriend/boyfriend was jealous and let me choose between languages and him/her
kept a diary in a foreign language
spoken the wrong language without noticing
   until 5 minutes later
used 3 or more languages in the same sentence
written my shopping list in IPA or in a foreign script
   in a foreign language
spent more than 30 € on language books on one day even if I had sworn NOT to buy another one
   more than 100 € before VAT / sales tax
created at least 10 pages of parallel texts
made strange noises while thinking about phonology or muttered an exotic language under my breath
   in public
      and was stared at for it
bought a product only because the manual was written in a language I found interesting
pretended to make "friends" with people while I was only really interested in their native languages
been called "walking dictionary"
   thought it was a compliment
   was said to be more in-depth than those paper dictionaries
created a language-geek test or beta-tested it
   to prove my own geekiness
exaggerated on this test just to get a better score
plain out lied on this test just to get a better score